My mind has been thinking about dance today.
There are so many things that I miss about dance, and the dance life.
I took my first dance class at 3 years old, and danced until I was 19. That’s when I started to get sick.
I took years of modern, ballet, jazz, and tap. I never took hip hop- I cannot dance hip hop if my life depended on it. I still have my old tap shoes, 2 pairs of old jazz shoes with duct-taped holes on the ball of the shoe, my left foot ballet shoe… Who knows where the right went? I always went barefoot for modern. And last but not least, my very first (and last) pair of pointe shoes, hardly broken in at all- since I never made it through week 3 of my first pointe class. That is when my ankles started to give way, and my knees started to be so sensitive I couldn’t even run water over them without wanting to cry.
Long story short my body does not allow me to move the way that I used to. It grants me just enough energy to make it through my work day, and that’s about it.
I already have arthritis in my right big toe and my left 4th toe. And my joints and muscles become inflamed at random and painful do to my disease. This is all due to my disease. It is not often that I get angry with the deck of cards I have been felt health wise. But when I begin to remember what I have had to give up, I become irritated.
So now, I am left with a pathetic practically non-existent split. My turn out is actually not that bad since I had a great natural turn out to begin with… My strength and stamina are both down the shitter… And as far as technique goes? I am sure I have regressed back to beginning levels.
Eff. I miss the joy that dance brought me. Didn’t realize how much until now. I just want my energy back, and control of my body back!!